My
mother killed herself in a rather grisly fashion when I was 23 years
old, and death has set up a permanent residence in my head ever
since. It's a few weeks away from what would have been her 59th
birthday, and she starts to flood my mind around this time. One of
the big misconceptions about suicide is that it get's better when the
environment a person live in gets better. I saw it in action; my
mother started to brighten up in the weeks before she did it. Of
course she was happy, she'd found what she saw as her solution to a
miserable life. I can tell you from my own experience that reversal
of fortune does not always effect depression, at times it can make it
worse. Some people are so used to being miserable than when they
finally get the things that make them happy, they become terrified of
losing them. They kill themselves when everything is good. I call it
“going out on top.”
People
are shocked by suicide, especially when it's done by someone who they
feel has a good life. What people don't understand is that a “good
life” is relative. You never know who is really suffering unless 1.
they trust you and 2. you ask them. The people who are most at risk
rarely talk about it. That isn't to say the people who are vocal
shouldn't be taken seriously. All expressions should be taken
seriously. When someone who is really depressed suddenly brightens
up, be concerned. One of the most dangerous times in the recovery of
a suicidal person is when their medications improve their energy but
therapy hasn't improved their faulty cognitions yet. People become
more motivated and energized to act on their plans.
Major
Depression isn't as dangerous as a Depressed and Manic self, the
mixed episode. Hopeless, Impulsive, and full of boundless energy is
not a good combination. If there's Winter Depression don't you think
that Summer Mania is a thing as well? I've seen no less than 3 of my
Facebook friends post about friends lost to suicide in the last 30
days. Good weather can be very depressing. Suicidal people, seeing
everyone else having fun and happy, may feel even more broken because
they feel they should be happy too. Warm weather is when these people
are bombarded by everything that proves their faulty thoughts and
automatic beliefs correct, much like being single on Valentine's Day.
It's a stark reminder of everything you don't have. Depression warps
perception; beautiful weather can be torture. I, personally, Hate
Your Joy unless I'm happy as well. But I'm petty. “There's so much
I SHOULD do,” the suicidal person thinks, “and so much I'm NOT
doing. I'm a waste.” Suicide doesn't mean someone gave up on life;
these people should not be reviled. Depression is something you
succumb to, like any other terminal disease.
Depression
loves rainy days and blizzards, abandoned train stations and
isolation. There's a certain relief the depressed person feels when
no one else is having fun either. Unseasonably warm weather throws
people with mood disorders off, and they generally don't deal with it
well. Depression is ever present and it doesn't take a day off. Its
been my experience (as a Mental Health Professional I have come
across A LOT of depressed people) that, as a friend, the best way to
help them is to keep them out of their own head. If they don't want
to go out, stay with them. A person cannot commit suicide if you're
ass is always in their face bugging them. And eventually that may
distract that person from their intrusive, self-destructive thoughts.
They may not outwardly express their gratitude, but trust me, it
helps.
Suicidal
people don't need to be deified or have grand gestures to effect
positive change; they just need to know that people would really have
their lives wrecked if they killed themselves. Suicidal people are
obsessed with death; it's a friend, a lover, a release, a safety
valve that promises a solution. They're so in love with Death,
everything and everyone else is obscured. It's not selfishness, the
rest of the world just disappears, like sick twisted new infatuation.
Like anyone in an abusive relationship, helping someone in this
situation takes support, concern, and attention. You can't get tired
or burned out. Make it a team effort so one person can pick up when
another runs out of gas. It's hard to for the depressed person to
know and believe that if you kill yourself you'll break so many
people you care about.
Spring
seems to be rush hour for the depressed at work. Pay attention to
your friends, pay attention to the people who you could not live
without. Because some of them may feel that everyone would be better
off without them. If you are lost, message me, I get paid to do this
and I offer my services for free as well. People need you. One death
can have a negative ripple effect destroying so many others; those
closest to you will feel it the hardest. If this sounds like you,
Break up with Death. That ho don't love you.
