Being a Grown Up Sucks Ass

So I’m about four years out of Graduate School and I’m still just another anonymous blogger. Lucky you. Let me tell you something; the real world sucks ass. The only real nice thing about it is health insurance, health insurance kicks ass. But this is what all of you lucky sons-a-bitches have to look forward to.

After graduating, be prepared to whore yourself out to whoever will have you. You may want to leave your dignity and self-respect on stage after you take your diploma, because you won’t be needing it out there. Chances are you’ll be broke as hell and willing to do anything short of sucking dick for money. Wait, I forgot what population I’m writing to; some of you will be sucking dick for money again. You’ll be talking nice and friendly to people you ordinarily would not piss on if they were on fire. You’ll be smarter than them, sure, but they are in control of whether you get a check or not, so just bend over and take it.

Next once you get the job (which may or may not have something to do with your major) you get to spend every second of your life praying for a death that will never come as your job slowly strangles any hope and creativity from your beleaguered soul. Your supervisors will devalue everything you do, and the good ideas you do have will be stolen by someone, again, less educated and far less talented than you. You will probably be working with people 10 to 20 years older than you who have died inside long before their bodies cease to live. They will be extremely jealous of your youth and vitality, coupled with the fact that you got a position right out of college that it took them 20 years of promotions to attain. These people will hate you and everything you stand for. They will make it their mission in life to sabotage you to make themselves look good. Women are lucky to meet a special brand of this type of person, the male chauvinist. They have all of the traits of the other corporate zombies, but they have the added bonus of devaluing everything you do or say because you are a woman. God help you if you end up supervising one of these miserable types, for they will disrespect you both for your age and your gender, generally misbehaving to make you look bad.
Combine all of this with the fact that you’ll probably be trying to get a higher degree just to get a job that pays enough for you to be able to break even, which no one you work with will care about, and somehow try to have a social life. Your significant other will leave you because your job sucks up all of your free time. You will not be paid what your worth, and any bit of joy in your life will be systematically hunted down and exterminated. But congratulations on graduating! Poor saps…