Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Confessions of a Crazy Ex-Boyfriend

My name is John, and I’m a crazy ex boyfriend

(Hi John)

Now it was not easy for me to come to this realization, but events over the last year have made me see that a lot of my actions in the past have definitely been of the "crazy ex-boyfriend" variety. Even more startling, some of my actions have been of the "crazy boyfriend" variety. As sobering as these thoughts have been I have been able to take solace in two things; One, I am in no way the craziest ex-boyfriend out there, not by a longshot. I have heard some incredible insanity lately, from many different sources, and my conclusion is that as a crazy ex boyfriend, I was really pretty tame. And two, I am very confident that my craziness is in remission. I have consulted everyone from Buddhist scholars to Psychotherapists, and I am certain that I have learned from both my own mistakes and the psychoticism I have seen in others. My purpose in writing this article (and if it gets a good response I’ll write more) is to give women (and men for that matter) fair warning when their boyfriend is crazy, is going crazy, or will be crazy when they break up with them. I also am making myself available to give advice and answer questions about whether your significant other is batshit crazy. I suppose I should give you my credentials as a crazy ex boyfriend

One of the main behaviors of a crazy ex boyfriend is a escalating pattern of crazy behavior. That pattern usually escalates because of one thing and one thing only; attention. Crazy guys hate to be ignored, and they cannot stand the idea of their ex girlfriend “getting over them”. For one reason or another, guys like I used to be seem sweet and kind and generous when we get into a relationship, and we get used to the attention we receive from our girlfriends. But that can’t last forever. At some point we will become unsatisfied at one thing or another, and arguments will occur. In the case of my last ex, I was ambivalent about whether I wanted to date her or not, so she went out and got another boyfriend. That was rough, but it was not what sent me off the deep end. She then had the absolute gall to get over me! That’s what sent me into crazy ex mode. I started doing anything I could to get her attention. I did all sorts of romantic things like bring her flowers and send her cards, things I never did when we were actually dating. But she still didn’t come back to me. The more she insisted on not breaking up with her bf, the more desperate I became. Eventually I started fights just to make sure that she still had feelings for me, even if they were negative ones. Now mind you, I never did any of this on purpose; it was just what my crazy mind thought of at the time. I’ve heard of guys doing much worse, and better. My last ditch effort was putting a personal ad in her local newspaper declaring that I still loved her and wanted her back. That s the Light side of crazy. I’ve heard of guys threatening to burn their ex’s stuff, accusing their ex’s of cheating on them during their relationship, telling their ex’s that they never loved them, and just flat out looking for anyway to hurt them in order to elicit a response.

The worst thing you can do to a crazy ex is to ignore them. They always want you to be thinking about them, either good or bad. They want you to think that they will never get over him. They want to believe that they were the best thing to ever happen to you, and every piece 0f evidence that refutes that just feeds into the crazy. If you happen to be reading this and see yourself in it, trust me, you are not the best thing to happen to anyone. There are just too many people in the world for that to be true. Even if it is true up to that point, it is quite likely that some guy will come along who will be better, and most decidedly saner than you, so get over yourself. I had to, and that’s when I took one step towards being in remission. If you have any comments, you know how to leave them, but if you have any questions or need advice about a crazy ex-boyfriend, email me at exit.eleven@gmail.com. Remember, it takes one to know one.

14 comments:

Jesse said...

I still have a copy of that personal ad you took out. I fully plan on using to sabotage your political career one day.

Lauren said...

@jesse as well you should. What other use could you get out of it that is practically applicable?

Caryn said...

"The worst thing you can do to a crazy ex is to ignore them."

That's actually the best thing you can do.

Jesse said...

I think he means that's the worst thing in their minds, not realistically.

Anonymous said...

my ex is threatening me, and now i have a new bf. he says he will say nasty stuff about me so that we'll break up. i dont know what to do anymore

Exit Eleven said...

Well, no. 1, it really is true that names will never hurt you. If your relationship is stable and you are with a good person he will realize that anything your ex says is just a transparent attempt to break you up. Have faith in your relationship that it will be able to survive this and you will find out if your new boyfriend is a keeper or not.If your ex is very crazy though I would worry about him trying to hurt you, so take steps to make sure that does not happen.

Anonymous said...

My ex boyfriend has broke into my house and taking the air out of my tires. He has friends that he is having look for me so they can fight me. He also took over my online information. I have no evidance so the cops say they cant help me. what would you suggest that i can do. i know he is crazy, but i dont know what to do.

Exit Eleven said...

It's very hard to get the police to take action in the case of stalking. For whatever reason Police never seem too interested in helping the victim. Some police depts have a special victims unit, however, and they may be more helpful providing you with preventative measure you can take where you live. Find hotlines for victim's of domestic abuse; their goal is to help women stop abuse before it gets out of hand. Also, try to get him arrested for vandalism and breaking and entering, those are real crimes. As for your online info, lock all your info and change your passwords. Download virus search software to make sure you don't have any Trojans. But definitely change your passwords. Let me know if any of this helps.

Anonymous said...

How about this? My ex leaves a note on my car " I'm sorry I hurt you so much...I still love you ...I'm still hurt over the breakup...p.s. if you called I'd still answer". It's been 5 months , and I've made it clear on several occasions I want nothing to do with him. Not even one week later we are at the same bar and he walks up to the friend I came up with ( I walk away) and starts talking sh*it about me, calling me a liar , so on so forth. I respond negatively , we fight . Back to ill feelings. This is the kicker. 2 days ago he walks into my.work with another girl. He asks if I still work there and how I am, he wants to know about my well being. When my coworker, also my friend, asks who he is he hesitates and gives her a fake name. 5 minutes later he fesses up and tells her.not to tell me he's asked. It's creepy but The kid has some nerve showing up to my work, but I really don't get what is going on in his head?! Any insight?

Anonymous said...

I am a criminology major, you need 2 documented reports of harrassment or assault, until then legally you can not do anything, but with 2 documented incidents you can file a restraining order

Exit Eleven said...

Stalking/Harassment laws vary from State to State. NJ has very clear laws about what constitutes stalk/intimidation. You can find the laws for your state here http://bit.ly/LH7WOz

Guys who are obsessive and have trouble letting go usually have an unstable series of attachments in their life, that is to say, they basically have abandonment issues. Long story short, they don't take loss well, and react as if they are losing part of themselves. None of that is anything you have control over. The best thing you can do is remain vigilant and keep records of every creepy thing it does. If you ever have to take him to court you need evidence.

Kay said...

My ex keeps sending me threats that he's going to make my life miserable that deserves to suffer. He's posted pictures of me online with terrible comments. He's been telling all my family problems I shared with him while we're together. And messaging my friends telling them stuff to start fights. I wish he'd just stop and leave me alone. Is there anything I can do?

Your article is great by the way..

Anonymous said...

Saw this because I had some severe crazy ex-thoughts and Googled "I am the crazy ex." So far my crazy ex behavior has just been me blocking her from FB, Deleting her # from my phone, pictures are all gone from the phone, untagged everything on FB, and just ignore her when I see her but stare sometimes. Not to crazy...Just me taking steps to get over her - the whole No Contact thing you know, which is actually quite sane behavior. However, I violated that rule the other day by sending an email just to ask how she's doing. (Which we all know is bullshit BTW...)

But the thoughts of crazy are the crazy part. I mean, I guess crazy is as crazy does but these are pretty wild thoughts. Like slashing her tires or beating up that other lady she's always hanging out with now...and started hanging out with a lot just before she broke up with me...who is married. Thoughts of blackmailing married new lady friend. Though I have no concrete evidence they're sleeping together, my crazy ex-mind is telling me it is CERTAIN and that blackmail is a suitable crazy punishment. Then again, I would have to go through the pain of hanging out and taking photos of them getting frisky and that would TEAR ME UP. I'd probably just jump out of my little hidey spot and start beating her "new friend" up. Perhaps I would feel like beating my (crazy) ex up too. Yes, she is crazy too and I have no idea why I ever thought it was a good idea to be in a relationship with her. Ah...I feel better now.

I'm gonna go not be crazy now.

Anonymous said...

Sucks I'm one of the crazy guys...lucky for you woman i know this now and will never have a relationship again(I'm 26) as none of you deserve the break up treatment i can dish out when I'm in love. actually i don't think i can love anymore. i hate myself too much for being crazy...not to toot my own horn but I'm a pretty good lookin athletic build guy with a lot of knowledge of mechanics and construction. I'm everything a woman wants in the start and everything she hates by the end...writing this makes me cry at the realization of it. i can't wait to not be here anymore