Saturday, February 16, 2008

Chat Transcript From God to Woman

GOD32: Ok, is this working?
LrdNSvyr01: Yes Father
GOD32: OK Jesus, I have a message for my children again. Let me just run it by you.
LrdNSvyr01: Go ahead Father, you being God, this has to be good.
GOD32: You know Jesus, I can never tell if you’re being sarcastic or not. Anyway here it goes. It’s an open letter to Woman.
LrdNSvyr01: Oh you mean the first one you made?
GOD32: Yes, her, and by extension all women. OK, here goes. Woman, I know you may still be a little miffed about the whole Eden thing, and the menstruation unpleasantness, but it had to be done. Trust me, I’m God.
LrdNSvyr01: Nice God, start off mending some bridges.
GOD32: Thanks. I think…anyway Woman, we have to talk. It’s about Man. What have you been doing? They are completely out of control! You Chicks have got to get your act together.
LrdNSvyr01: Uh Dad, they don’t like to be called chicks. They find it demeaning.
GOD32: Why? I always used to call Woman my little chick, the way she would scamper around the office, just like a little bird chick. It’s a term of endearment. But whatever, Woman, I made you smarter than Man for a reason. You have got to control him. You have let Man run amok, now look what is happening. I’ve got the Angels working two or three shifts straight trying to clean up all of the messes Man is making. Yes he is stronger, bigger faster, and more enduring than you, but why do you think I did that? They are there to protect you, to do all of the manual labor. Do you know that I used the same basic system to build ox as I did Man? They are there to be your servants. Why do you think I gave you all of those controls over him?
LrdNSvyr01: What do you mean Dad?
GOD32: Why do you think I made them so irresistible. I think that I did too good of a job, even Woman is love with Woman now. I used stars for their eyes, solar wind for their breathe…do you know how expensive that stuff is? I made their bodies all round and curvy because that is the most irresistible shape there is…round. Why do you think that all things in the universe are round? Why do you think sex is so good? Why do you think Man calls my name when Woman touches him? Why do you think that vagina is addictive?
LrdNSvyr01: Dad, do you have to talk about that?
GOD32: C’mon Jesus, don’t be such a prude. I made sex so good in order for Woman to enslave Man. He will do anything for Woman, and think that it is all of his own free will. Woman, you are smarter than man, wittier. Man’s body may be better physically, but your mind is perfect. You have to get off of your butt and take control of the planet before it’s too late. You’re mind is stronger, more resilient…I tried to balance out the cramps thing by making you more resistant to pain.
LrdNSvyr01: OK Dad, I think by now you should have her on your side, it’s time to drive home your point.
GOD32: Woman, you are as close to perfection as you can get without being Me. All of you should know that. However you look is how I meant for you too look. And I don’t make mistakes; it’s one of the perks of being God. So start kicking Man’s butt Now! The Angels are going to go on strike if I don’t give them a break. I want you and Man to live together in peace, but you have to be dominant over them or none of us will have any peace.
LrdNSvyr01: Well said Dad, I love you.
GOD32: OK, ok, Jesus Christ you’re mushy, you know that?
LrdNSvyr01: Dad, don’t take my name in vain.
GOD32: Jissy Chrissy!
LrdNSvyr01: Don’t call me that either.

1 comment:

GoldenSoul said...

aaahahahha! This is heeelareeouso!

Put a smile on my face:)