Tuesday, February 19, 2008

How to Properly Celebrate Black History Month

There is only one way to properly celebrate Black history month. There are many ways that people do so; they educate themselves on famous Black people, they visit museums, they may even think twice before shooting Black suspects. But really, there is only one surefire way to celebrate Black History month, and that is by rescinding white privilege. Now I know many of you are unaware of white privilege; by it’s definition you should not be aware of it, especially if you happen to be white, so I will attempt to define it for you. Wait, better yet, why should I define it when I can have someone else define it for you;

"white privilege, a social relation
1. a. A right, advantage, or immunity granted to or enjoyed by white persons beyond the common advantage of all others; an exemption in many particular cases from certain burdens or liabilities.
b. A special advantage or benefit of white persons; with reference to divine dispensations, natural advantages, gifts of fortune, genetic endowments, social relations, etc.
2. A privileged position; the possession of an advantage white persons enjoy over non–white persons.
3. a. The special right or immunity attaching to white persons as a social relation; prerogative.
b. display of white privilege, a social expression of a white person or persons demanding to be treated as a member or members of the socially privileged class.
4. a. To invest white persons with a privilege or privileges; to grant to white persons a particular right or immunity; to benefit or favor specially white persons; to invest white persons with special honorable distinctions.
b. To avail oneself of a privilege owing to one as a white person.
5. To authorize or license of white person or persons what is forbidden or wrong for non–whites; to justify, excuse.
6. To give to white persons special freedom or immunity from some liability or burden to which non–white persons are subject; to exempt."
From http://whiteprivilege.com/definition

So yes, there ya go. White privilege. They enjoy every day of their lives and are many times not aware of it. We as Black people are quite aware of it, because we do not enjoy such privilege. We in fact suffer from something that can be called Black Disadvantage. Black Disadvantage means you have to work two or three times as hard just to achieve the same level as white people are given on a silver platter. For instance, I have not spelt the word "privilege" correctly once in this entire essay. I blame the public school system for giving me a substandard education compared to my white classmates, and not on the fact that I am for some reason convinced that privilege has an "a" in it.
I digress. I celebrate Black History Month by denying white privilege to all white people I see. I don’t grant them special privileges. I cut them off in traffic. I don’t let them merge. I cut them in line. I steal their girlfriends (especially if they are dating Brown or Black girls). I urge all of you to do the same in any way you can. Deny White people loans, keep them from moving into good neighborhoods, don’t pick them up in your cabs in favor of Black people. The best way to celebrate Black History month is to give White people a month long taste of what it’s like to be Black. Black men; date lots of women even though you’re ugly, have terrible bodily hygiene, no personality, and no social skills to speak of, but get the benefit of the doubt simply because you’re Black (the most coveted of White Privileges, being able to date any race of girl despite being a troll). Black people should be allowed to get out of all sorts of legal trouble because of either A. being cute and blond, B, having big boobs, or C. knowing somebody. Also, the rate of White people being pulled over, ticketed, and arrested for no good goddamn reason should increase by 70% during Black history month.
White people, you can do your part too; give up "Friends" for Black History Month. Forego all your white niceties for a month. Try your hardest not to call us niggers when your alone with your friends (don’t pretend you don’t; we know). Eat soul food until your blood pressure gets dangerously high. Get rid of your health insurance for the month and see how hard it is to get by. Go Up to Harlem and see how we feel in small suburban towns in New Jersey. Get shot 20 or 30 times by NYPD. Really get the feel of what it is like to be African American in America today. This part might be hard, but try mightily to give up your air of self-entitlement, as if the world owes you something; don’t enter every establishment with the attitude that everyone there should kiss your ass. This is more a result of a lifetime enjoying white privilege than of white privilege itself, but still, it’s extremely annoying. Try to accept that you aren’t always in charge of everything; everyone doesn’t have to speak your language, everyone doesn’t have to like your music, and everyone does not have to do things your way. Once you have accepted these facts, you are well on your way to rescinding your own White Privilege, and truly Celebrating Black History. Oh yeah, and don’t Lynch anybody; that’d be in extremely bad form.

1 comment:

GoldenSoul said...

Why do you think I refuse to date white people?